Dilemmas of the Heart; Confusion of the mind

Families and friends would usually give us advice that we should let our mind rule our heart. But it's confusing and complicated!

For one, when we decide on taking risks about work related stuff, what do we usually do? Follow our instinct, right? Instinct is based on the intellectual experiences we have had in the past that would help us decide on the risks we are taking. We used our brain instead of being emotional on it. This is just one of the many things that we could say that we should really be rationale about things.

But what if we talked about Love? Are we to be rational or be irrational? Are we to listen to our hearts or follow our instincts?

Love.. it's an entity which is confusing, hard to decipher, painful, mysterious and unfathomable but exciting, blissful and full of life as well.

I thought it would be as easy as reciting my ABCs or counting 1 to 3. I thought with a snap of a finger everything would be solved. I didn't realize it's harder as it may seem until I had fallen. Fallen to the pit I unintentionally dig into. I am now in a dilemma on whether to pursue and risks everything.

I am in love but the person i had fallen in love with does not realize it. For him, I am just one of the his girl pal. Ouch? Yes and no. Yes, it does hurt because I never was and never will be the girl of his dreams. No, because he can always be his true self to me for there is no need to impress me. My other friends who knows have been telling me to listen to my heart but what he does tell me is to listen to what's on my mind.

My mind is doing a complex algorithm just weighing the pros and the cons of having him know that I love him more than a friend. I am seeing equations like e-mc2 and sine-cosine plus the pythagorean theorem all floating in my mind. It's a tedious process which makes my head ache.

My heart goes ballistic! All it does is throb and pumps blood into my body. Just hearing his name and voice would make heart burst with so much emotion. Uncomplicated, right? Why should it be? My heart does not think, it can only feel.

What I feel is what's complicated.. I wish there's an easier way out or a fastest way to get into it.

A new experience

Today would be a milestone for me. I join the team (manila delegates) in singing "I will survive" in front of a big crowd. The crowd composed of clients and of a different race than mine. It's something new.. It is a first for me

Just like heaven

Sometimes I wish life will always be a bed of roses. Sometimes I wish love is as easy as how you spell it. Sometimes I wish earth is just like heaven.

I watch this movie: Just like Heaven, and I wondered if I would ever find the same kind of guy. He's sweet, unselfishing, caring and most of all loving. What a lovable and idealistic this kind of man is. I now wonder if in real life we find someone who we can have our earth life just like heaven.

One of my friends I was with in the movie said she would like to be in coma just like the lead actress to find a guy like the lead actor. After some reflection, I also thought I would like to be in the same shoes if and only if I have the assurance that I'll find the right guy for me. My soul would go searching for the one and in the end, we'll live happily ever after... Nah! That stuffs are made for fairy tales, in reality it sucks!

Am I sounding bitter? I guess I am but being skeptic does not mean you're bitter. I just want to be in touch with reality... that reality may either be Just like Hell or Just like Heaven

Free thoughts

I wanted to write something eye-catching that would end in a bang. But it seems i get no inspiration from inside of me. I am in an emotional turmoil. Part happy, part sad, part unknown even to myself.

A lot of questions are running through my head. The what-if's, the pros and the cons, the effects and consquences. But sometimes I feel i am about to explode like a dormant volcano. My emotions would be like the lava too hot and too free-flowing to handle.

I hope someday I get to be enlightened. I hope i'll woke up from this sweetest dream I had and be back to reality.